University of California, Los Angeles, Athletics
Present Over Perfect
March 23, 2020 | Gymnastics
The following article appeared in the Winter 2019 edition of Bruin Blue Magazine.ย
By Jon Gold
They arrived at UCLA three years ago as two of the most accomplished athletes to ever step foot on this campus. Olympians in every sense of the word. They came to Westwood having achieved more than most gymnasts could ever dream of, mantles so crowded you'd need a second fireplace. Yet they became Bruins at precarious points in both of their lives, their individual goals met, their bodies battered, their minds in need of expansion.
When Kyla Ross and Madison Kocian chose to join the loaded UCLA women's gymnastics team in 2016-17, they had already reached the pinnacle of amateur sport, but they'd done so on solitary paths, with celebrations that were often internal and workloads that weren't for the faint of heart.
Olympic journeys complete, they went searching for more. They were looking for fun. They were looking for each other.
And with one year left in Westwood โ and a year of significant change, at that โ that's exactly who Ross and Kocian are fighting for.
Each other.
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Elite gymnastics and NCAA gymnastics are such different worlds you'd need a wormhole to get from one to the other. Sometimes that's what elite gymnastics felt like to Ross and Kocian, a wormhole: tight, constrictive, sucking them toward a path away from the light.
There were highs. Oh, boy, were there highs.
For Ross, it was the 2012 London Olympics, where Team USA won the team gold medal for the first time since 1996.
For Kocian, it was the 2016 Rio De Janiero Olympics, where the U.S. won team gold once more and where she won silver in the uneven bars.
The highest of highs, really.
There were also lows. Loneliness, self-doubt, frustration, injury, pain. Lots of pain.
Elite gymnastics is an isolating endeavor, and in exploring college options, both Ross and Kocian were seeking something different. Not just a team, and not just teammates, but true camaraderie. And fun. As much fun as possible.
"The atmosphere, the team aspect of it โ that's what I knew I still wanted to be a part of," Kocian said. "I didn't want to finish after the Olympics. I wanted to compete for something bigger than myself, and to compete with so many empowering girls around me."
She found that at UCLA, even if it's been a painful ride.
Kocian came to UCLA as a freshman fresh off the Olympics, even though "fresh" might be the last term you could have associated with her at the time. She was worn out, competing through pain every weekend.
The day after she was named to Team USA, she woke up and couldn't raise her arm. Her labrum was torn, but she competed through it in the Olympics and throughout her freshman year at UCLA in 2017.
She'd require shoulder surgery after the season, and she planned on redshirting as a sophomore to let it heal and rest, but she sensed something special that year and couldn't pry herself away. She was right. The Bruins won a national championship in 2018, with Kocian pulling off a critical 9.9375 on uneven bars in the finals to help UCLA's comeback win.
Last year, despite a cartilage injury in her knee โ which she says is a result of overcompensating for an injured shoulder โ she earned first-team All-American honors on uneven bars and second-team on balance beam.
"For me, I kind of have had to step into a different role each year because I've had different injuries each season," Kocian said. "I couldn't always contribute gymnastically, and I've had to find a leadership and coaching role."
Luckily she's had Ross by her side, every dismount along the way.
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She tries to sound modest, but yes, Ross admits that she is aware of her most incredible accomplishment.
She is sheepish when asked about it โ 'Did you know you're the first gymnast in history with an Olympic, World and NCAA championship?' โ and she kind of giggles at the question.
It's a bit ... overwhelming? She never set out for this. Who could?
"I've been lucky?" she says, her voice curling at the end into a question mark. "I'm not sure if it's set in. I've just been having so much fun competing here. I really just have approached it season by season."
If college has been an often painful process for Kocian, it's been like floating on clouds for Ross.
A 2017 individual NCAA title in bars and beam. A 2018 team title. Two more NCAA individual titles in 2019, for vault and floor. An NCAA-record 14 perfect 10s in 2019. Nineteen All-American nods.
This wasn't the goal.
Ross came to UCLA looking to broaden her horizons, to experience life off the mat โ heck, just to make friends โ and it was in a conversation with former head coach Valorie Kondos Field that helped set the stage for her time in Westwood.
"Before UCLA, gymnastics was my life," she said. "Being part of a team, coming to UCLA, being mentored by Miss Val, she told me gymnastics isn't my life, it is a little part of my life that I have the privilege of doing."
In Westwood, Ross has emerged from her cocoon, a social butterfly if ever there was one.
"I was actually just at the men's and women's soccer games, cheering them on," she said. "Coming to school freshman year, I was super excited to experience a more full social life. Being so secluded, sacrificing so much growing up, my social life was slim. I wouldn't say I went overboard freshman year but I had so much fun meeting new people."
She puts it plainly: "I think I really wanted to embrace a sense of normalcy. Just being another one of the student-athletes. I didn't want too much of a disparity. I had a lot of fun just embracing that change."
Fun. What an interesting concept.
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To hear Ross and Kocian describe their apartment setup, it sounds a bit like the Odd Couple Squared.
They share an apartment with teammates and best friends Mercedez Sanchez and Felicia Hano, with Ross and Kocian sharing a room and Sanchez and Hano sharing the other. One room is ... well, let's just say one is a bit tidier than the other. But Ross and Kocian don't judge โ they were brought up in a rigorous world of exacting discipline, and the dust has learned the hard way.
Besides, they rely on their roommates to lighten the mood, to balance their perfectionism.
"Coming off the Olympics, I was still in the same mindset as before, trying to be perfect in everything," Kocian said of her freshman year. "Living with different roommates, that broke me out of my shell. When I started having more fun, enjoying what I was doing, that was a freeing moment. With Kyla and Felicia and Mercedez, we're all in the same class, and it's been really fun with them. Kyla and I are really organized and kind of on top of everything and the other two are a little messier but they keep things fun. When we need structure, it's Kyla and I. When we need to let loose?"
That's when the other side of the apartment kicks on the music and gets down.
But this is no surprise.
"The most challenging thing was getting them to understand they could achieve the highest level of success in college while loving it and having a blast every day," new UCLA head coach Chris Waller said. "That wasn't the culture that they came up with. Fun? I think that's a scary thought for someone who comes up in that culture. They want to achieve at the highest level, and they don't want to compromise that. They have higher standards for themselves, higher than we could ever have for them."
When Ross and Kocian arrived, Waller remembers, UCLA coaches had to pry smiles out of them. Waller said, "That was a real struggle, even if they wanted to do it."
"It's not easy to let go of habits that you believe helped you be successful," he said. "It's frightening. 'Wait, how am I supposed to have fun and win? I don't even think that's possible.'"
Waller remembers the painstaking practice, literally getting them to practice fun. Getting them to practice being loose. Getting them to high-five their teammates, or even pay attention to them.
"All that stuff was foreign to them," Waller said. "They weren't supposed to engage their teammates. Now they're amazing at it. There are two extra coaches in the gym now, constantly finding ways to help their teammates, as much as themselves."
That is going to be critical this season, as Waller takes the reins from Kondos Field.
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One day before she arrived on campus, rehabbing yet another injury, Kocian had a conversation with her former coach, Miss Val.
They talked about "the light at the end of the tunnel," and about being able to see the bigger picture.
Kocian sees it now as she enters her final season of college gymnastics.
All of her injuries, all of the time spent on the sidelines, all of the pain โ it all may have just led to a calling. She has a certain sensitivity now, having suffered the bumps and bruises of a professional downhill skier.
She bonded with her shoulder surgeon in 2017 and spent this summer interning for him. She worked in the office, even watched surgeries being performed. She hopes to use that training as a physician's assistant, perhaps diving into orthopedics. She once wanted to be a pediatrician because of her love of kids, but having been through the ringer once or twice, her passion has changed.
"I know a lot about my body," she said. "It's easier to connect when you've been through it yourself."
If Kocian has learned to listen to her body, Ross has learned to listen to her soul.
"When I was choosing my school, I knew gymnastics wouldn't be the most important part for me," she said. "I wanted to choose an environment where I could grow in life. Somewhere that would propel me into the working world."
She has embraced her time on campus, particularly the networking and social aspect of being a Bruin.
Waller sees that growth in both Ross and Kocian.
"Honestly, they were pretty myopic," he said. "I don't think they saw further than their fingernails. Now they can see the whole world."
What a joy it's been, Waller said, watching them bloom.
"They're really interesting people," he said. "You ask them, 'Name 20 things you did this year?' and it'd be a cool list of things. Coachella tickets came out and they're talking about going and I think that's awesome. They fill their lives with so many cool things. They need to have a documentary about them."
Of all the things Waller is most proud of with his Olympian-turned-Bruin duo, it's that evolution. Butterflies and all.
"They came in relatively sheltered," Waller said. "Their world was really small. They might have had interests, but they didn't have the time or maybe the inclination to investigate them. Now you talk to them, and they have so many interests, and they find time to do so many different things. They are such diverse people. Because of that evolution, because they've seen so much of sports in general, it's like they have a masters in leadership. They have an incredible way of leading people around them and being so conscious and present."
Most of all, he said, they've learned one crucial lesson.
"This can't be their self-worth," Waller said. "That's the thing that has changed in them. They came in saying, 'I'm a gymnast.' Now they don't see themselves as gymnasts. It's, 'I'm Kyla. I'm a leader, I'm fun, I'm outgoing, I'm a great student and I'm pursuing so many things. They don't define themselves by whether they get a gold or a silver anymore."
They've learned to define themselves in so many other ways.
As teammates and as women, as daughters and as roommates, as Bruins and as friends.
"We're competing for each other, for the other little girls screaming in the gym, and for the people who support us," Ross said. "Realizing that what we're doing is so much more than ourselves has really helped me and hopefully helped Maddie.
"It makes it easier on the bad days to know who we're doing this for."
